Monday, December 31, 2012

Endings & Beginnings

Today was a difficult day.  I ended one year and began a new one.  I also made a decision to end one life and begin a new one, physically and metaphorically.  A new chapter in my life has begun.  A new chapter in my family has begun.

Our family friend, our pet, a seven-year member of our lives was put to eternal sleep today.  Daisy was a great dog, but she became very ill and this afternoon was diagnosed with "diabetic crisis".  No, we didn't know she was diabetic, however I became suspicious when she all of a sudden stopped eating, dropped 20 pounds, and began drinking nonstop.  A trip to the vet turned into a trip to Iowa State, which led to many tests, an x-ray, and ultimately a decision that will forever change our family.  I didn't realize how much this would affect me.  Tomorrow we tell the children.

I have been reading many posts of people's New Years resolutions and things they want to do to better themselves.  My pessimist side says most of them will never see the fulfillment of those decisions.  Ironic how we go about our lives as if we are invincible yet are surprised when the proverbial rug is ripped out from under us.

At the beginning of December I saw that I was close to the 1000 mile marker for the year.  I only needed 46 miles.  No problem.  I could do that easily.  In the end, I only ran twice in the month of December.  It did not add up to 46 miles.  I fell short.  again.  as I do every year.  I have been running for the past 3 years.  Each year there is a hurdle, or more, that prevents me from achieving my goals.

While I have a lot to be bitter about this year, I also have a lot to thankful for.  I may have missed my goal again, but I also accomplished a lot, too.  I count my blessings everyday.   I had something new and different to celebrate each day.  When I wake up I will celebrate the life of another.  I will cry.  I will laugh.  I will embrace.  I will celebrate.

Tonight I wanted to run from 2012 into 2013, even if that meant I only ran around the block.  I missed that goal, too.  Instead, after the children were asleep, Bill came to kiss me goodnight and I said, go put on your boots.  He looked at me strangely, but reluctantly put on his boots.  We got coats on.  We got hats and mittens and scarves on.  Together we made a one-mile walk through town, splitting it in half, south to north and back again.  It was our time.  It was my time.  I didn't run; I walked.  I didn't run through the stroke of midnight, but I did complete the job.  I didn't do it in the way I had intended, but I completed.

I have goals, resolutions, and expectations of myself for 2013.  I know I probably won't accomplish all I set out to do.  I know I have more in me than what I will complete, but eventually I will complete it, one way or another.  Each January 1 we have the opportunity to recreate ourselves and be someone or something we are not or have not been.  Tomorrow at lunch we will turn the proverbial chapter of our children's lives, too, so that they can begin again.  Tomorrow we tell the children.

today's mileage: 1 mile walking
weekly mileage: 4 miles running
monthly mileage: 14 miles running
annual mileage: 557 miles running; 415 miles riding; 10.6875 miles swimming
TOTAL mileage: 968

1 comment:

  1. My thoughts and prayers are with you!! Hugs to all of the family!!